Skip to main content

aku okay?

Tahun baru, apa yang berubah ye?
Pada saya, tiada apa yang berubah

Di luar, saya akan cakap saya okay
Saya gelak, saya main, saya berlari, saya belajar
semua saya buat macam biasa
demi Allah saya harapkan apa yang saya buat dapat tolong buat saya jadi kuat

Zaman awal remaja saya
saya pernah 'hilang'
hilang dari Allah
jauh dari jalan Allah

Saya akan tetap cakap saya okay
Saya takde masalah
sikit pun

Tapi dalam saya sape je tau?
Allah kan?

Dulu zaman hilang saya tu
Allah selalu jaga saya
Allah tak pernah tinggalkan saya
Saya saaaaaaayang Allah
sebab Dia tak pernah tinggalkan saya

Allah bagi saya seorang ayah yang memahami
Adik beradik yang turut sama kuat harungi onak ni
Saya bersyukur sangat
tapi saya masih hilang

Hingga satu masa saya asyik jatuh
dan jatuh
dan jatuh

Allah bagi pula kat saya seorang wanita
Dia tunjukkan saya silap saya
Allah bagi hidayah kat saya melalui dia
Dan saya mula sedar
Saya pun kuat

Allah takkan uji seseorang kalau Dia tau dia tak mampu
Saya mula berubah
Saya cari Allah
Saya menangis menyesal
sebab selama ni saya tak nampak Allah

Saya cakap saya okay
dan saya tak harapkan orang faham saya
sebab dah terbiasa dengan 'okay'

Tapi bila saya jumpa Allah
saya rasa AWESOME
saya rasa complete

saya masih cakap saya okay
saya okay
saya okay

tapi dalam hati saya menangis
kenapa tiada yang berubah?
masih derhakakah aku?

masih derhaka kah aku?

masih derhaka kah aku?

tak kiralah apa pun yang menjadi label
saya akan tetap menjadi yang derhaka
tak kira walau apa pun orang cakap atau pandang
saya akan tetap menjadi yang derhaka

kan?

Saya tak pernah mengharapkan syurga
sebab derhaka itu masih membayar neraka saya
Ya, saya dah jumpa Allah
tapi saya masih hilang

kabur dengan derhaka yang membuntuti saya sejak kecil
saya tak salahkan sesiapa
bukan salah orang lain
saya tak pernah nak mengemis kasih
Allah tau saya kurang
Allah tambah dengan cintaNya

Saya tau syurga saya jauh
tapi buat apa saya cintakan Allah kalau syurga yang saya harap
saya cintakan Allah
sebab saya tau Dia pun sayangkan saya
saya nak Dia ampunkan saya je
saya tak dapat syurga pun saya tak kisah
sebab saya tau saya tak layak
tapi saya akan tetap sayangkan Allah
sebab Dia akan jaga saya
Dia tau apa yang baik untuk saya

Allah, Kau tau berapa banyak air mata aku tumpah
Kau tau betapa kaki aku dah lemah
Aku pinta hanya hati yang kuat
Kuat memegang Deen Mu
Kerana aku tau
selama aku berpaut pada agamaMu
Aku akan tetap bersamaMu
InsyaAllah

Terima kasih Allah, kerana memberiku cinta padaMu

  • Zaman kanakkanak tak memainkan peranan terhadap masa depan kita. PILIHAN kita yang mencorakkan masa depan kita
  • Allah selalu ada. Kembalilah pada Allah kalau rasa ada something missing
  • Allah tak selamanya beri ribut dan hujan. Pasti ada pelangi nanti kalau kita sabar.
Ketahuilah sesungguhnya selepas kesusahan ada kesenangan.
Sesungguhnya selepas kesusahan ada kesenangan

.yang khilaf itu milikku.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Results are OUT!

bismillah. It's a wonderful day. Today is the day I get my A-Level results. Yippie!   It is however, due to my psychicness, that I won't carve a smile on my parents face. Had that feeling in my gut since July. It's a feeling of, discomfort. And nothing can shake it off. I'd like to say a lot here. About what happened to me since that particular July. But I'd end up whining things I shouldn't. Better save it for someone better to listen to. And to not-my-surprise, my results were under par. And I am not sad. At all. Well, maybe a little, but no mental breakdown whatsoever. This, however, never happened to me. I never went into an exam, and NOT pass. Never. Not the UPSR. Not PMR. Not SPM. *not trying to boast here* And this is the first. And I gotta tell ya. It doesn't hurt so bad. I've seen many of my friends went nuts and cry a lot after their results didn't come out as good as others. And I didn't know what to do, th...

Something Worth Promoting

bismillah. Hello! Hello! Buat adik-adik lepasan SPM 2011, adik-adik daftar ke mana lepas ni? Ni haa~ akak nak promote ni. Once in a lifetime chance. I want to promote to you.. KOLEJ TEKNOLOGI TIMUR! Well, people say we can't judge a book by its cover kan? So, akak tak maulah tayang wajah sebenar KTT Sepang ni. *hehe Kolej ni adalah antara kolej terkecil kat Malaysia. (kot) everything is in two blocks of shop houses. Can you imagine that? All the halls and libraries and musolla and the cafes and the staffrooms. Even our houses! One thing that awes me the most when I first came here is the way everything was planned to work. It's hard to imagine the way they first planned to place this and that in that small area. But it totally worked out! AWESOMEEE! A lot is going on while you're in KTT. We have activities like normal colleges do, but in a smaller scale (i guess) Yeah, it's easy to live here. You can't easily fly anywhere without a tra...

Take Me Back.

bismillah. It's been a while since I've been here. I didn't feel worthy enough to write again. But I promised myself that I won't quit. I browsed through my old facebook notes. And this is a particularly sad one, because I've been in the same circle for years, never learning my lesson. I am hoping by posting this, I myself am reminded. So, here goes. " Take Me Back " 28 September 2012 at 00:44 I'm walking into this room again. It's half full, but I am so alone. I can almost hear my heart thumping, as I tried so hard to hide how its beats were playing the notes I don't want people to ever hear. Fear. I'm scared to face you again here. The place where solace was so near, I could dream forever. I'm scared, because it has been long. I have been constantly leaving you. Giving excuses to myself, that by leaving I was actually finding myself. Lie. A big fat lie. The world has put a big blob of dis...