Musafir Biru

bismillah. Because it's a weekend, one that started terribly, I'm just gonna lay back, and stop self-brain-damaging for all the university websites I've been visiting for the past three weeks. Well, now I know what it feels like when they said, "No Pain, No Gain". Cause after weeks of searching for a placement, I'm in a mental pain! I guess it's kinda wise to do so at the moment, seeing how ALL my other works are pending. So, now I am in idle mode. And I discovered a lot of things this weekend. And because I have no other people to listen to me talking and blabbering about my decision-making abilities, I'm writing it all out. Haha take that! My friend who is currently in his 2nd year (I think) in medicine contacted me via FB, because I've been posting stuffs, stupid stuffs about how stressed I was like I'm the only one who's having problems. Stupid me. Anyways, he was sharing words of wisdom, and was suggesting all these ot

bismillah. I know. The title is so like, duh! And it has nothing to do with Jessica Simpson's song. You know what I've been feeling these past couple of weeks? duh, of course not! i'm no mind-reader. why do you think people even READ  your blog? Okay. I know I have a TERRIBLE little-me inside myself. Anyways, I feel like I'm Fat Jane (i don't even know what it means. heck, i don't know if the term exists!) cause I spend most of my time, sitting in front of the computer, finishing documents and stuffs. But an average Joe needs more than 10000 steps a day! I only got, what, like, forty-seven everyday, up and down the stairs? Phew~ and yesterday I finally gathered up the strength and the might that Allah lent me for a while to get up from the bed I've been lying on for more than the average sleeping hours trying to shake the pain off, and alhamdulillah, I DID IT! I got out of bed, out of chair, out of the house! To those willing

bismillah. *sigh*  Life has been hectic this past 4 weeks since my A-Level results came out. I am not sighing for ungratefulness, but merely because I just wanna let the stress out. I am not so bummed out when my results didn't meet the standards. What I'm bummed out is at how all of the post-results situation is too stressing me out! You know, this whole journey has made me think. A LOT. Since high school, I've been asking my friends a question. who do you see me as in 10 years? And the answer was unanimous. They ALL answered, LAWYER   Maybe because I talk a lot despite my shyness. Maybe because I talk over-confidently on conversations. Maybe because I was never funny and all work. Maybe because I can't stand losing a fight. Maybe because I always stand for what's right, even when others mock me. Maybe because I was always a jerk who picks on little-er people. Maybe because I know things, LOTS OF THINGS, that my peers doesn't

bismillah. I got bored, so I browsed through my facebook notes. And I found one I wrote some time ago. It was the most recent one I wrote, and I was glad I found it now. As I read it, I realised, that..I am feeling the same thing all over again. I'm giving excuses again.  I'm done making it. I'm tired. Tedious. I wanna change. But when it gets too lonely, I find myself lost again. I am slowly starting to find my way back. Hopefully. So, here goes. [ "Read More"? ]

i'm drowning and sinking breathing gets harder as the waves crash my face i'd like to stay afloat and reach the surface but i'm falling down sinking deeper into the seas with no grace

bismillah. Ehem.. I was writing a whole lot of stuffs before as the beginning of this post. But I'm afraid I might regret publishing those words. So, I'm cutting it short. I was reminiscing about an old man I met some time ago. I met him one day, when I was going to the night market. We were 6 feet away from each other, waiting at the side of the road, to cross. We didn't talk. Well, I didn't. Because I was too afraid to open my mouth. He was an old man. And I was supposed to help him cross the road. I am not used to watching both sides before crossing the road. That's not me. I was putting my feet on the road, and I caught a glimpse of him. He was raising his hands, and shaking his head, saying 'no'. I drew my feet away, moved closer to him. But I didn't said a word. Not even offered my help. And he was just standing there. Even when the coast is clear, he didn't cross. Later on, I made my move. I was walking, and turned back.

bismillah. So, last Monday, I went back to my college to go to a briefing and to get my result certificate. And we had this, talk, on whether or not I am fit to even apply to the university. Well, I gotta say, it saddens me, a bit. But, hey. It wasn't anybody else's fault. There's no use crying over spilled milk. Rite? Right after that briefing, I went straight back home, and guessed what? I GOT A JOB!  Hooray! Well, technically, most people don't call it a job. But, hey, it's my life. And this is my mumbling page. So, yeah. It's a job! My job is to find a placement and appeal for the continuation of my scholarship. Mr. A my self-proclaimed, self esteem damager Ms. B my wanting-to-make-a-point self Mr. A : What?! That's not even a job! Ms. B : Uhh.. yeah it is! Mr. A : Nu-uh! Ms. B : Yes! Mr. A : That brings you no money! Ms. B : Who says getting a job means getting money? Mr. A : WHAT?! What kind of w

bismillah. To mummy, if someday you happen to be blessed by Allah with your own children, I, your own 20-year old self would like to say a few things. One, don't be afraid to let your child fall down when he walks. don't panic. let him learn, that it is okay to fall. be there beside him, and encourage him to be strong. that falling down doesn't mean you can't move no more. give him your hands, but don't pick him up. let him know, that there is always someone to assist him getting up. teach him that you can't always expect people to pick you up. but you can have support so you can stand stronger and move on the next time. that a few scratches is okay, but it doesn't cripple you. It might lead to a much better lesson later in life. alhamdulillah, I have been blessed with 6 nieces and nephews, and still counting. it has been a wonderful 5 years. thank you, Allah :') mummy=me. training my nephews and nieces to call me that from now on