Skip to main content

I've Started Working. Yeay!

bismillah.

So, last Monday, I went back to my college to go to a briefing and to get my result certificate. And we had this, talk, on whether or not I am fit to even apply to the university. Well, I gotta say, it saddens me, a bit. But, hey. It wasn't anybody else's fault. There's no use crying over spilled milk. Rite?

Right after that briefing, I went straight back home, and guessed what?

I GOT A JOB! 



Hooray! Well, technically, most people don't call it a job. But, hey, it's my life. And this is my mumbling page. So, yeah. It's a job!

My job is to find a placement and appeal for the continuation of my scholarship.

Mr. A
my self-proclaimed,
self esteem damager
Ms. B
my wanting-to-make-a-point
self

Mr. A : What?! That's not even a job!
Ms. B : Uhh.. yeah it is!
Mr. A : Nu-uh!
Ms. B : Yes!
Mr. A : That brings you no money!
Ms. B : Who says getting a job means getting money?
Mr. A : WHAT?! What kind of world are you living in?!
Ms. B : Getting a job is not solely on money dude. It's about responsibility.
*Mr. A leaves the conversation with the door slammed*
okay, I know I'm getting crazy, creating non-existent conversation in my mind
I had the wonderful opportunity to live a life laid down on a silver platter. A great journey full of trophies, medals and so-called recognition. Truthfully, I never really 'put myself out there for anything'. It was almost like, I got what I wanted when I needed.

I never revised when I was in kindergarten (who does?)  and I got full marks for each and every subject I took. Yes. 100% for every paper. The second kid who graduated from the whole kindergarten was miles away from my results.

I took fourth year of elementary school for granted, and got 11th in class. That counts for the whole batch. That was my worst result for the whole six years. I scored top 10 most of the times, and top 3 in my early years.

High school, got into the Principal's List (kind of like the Dean's list) for 8 out of 10 semesters. Got to compete in almost everything I wanted to (but brought disgrace to the school as I never won any. well, only once during my fourth year)

And you know what? I got all these (ALHAMDULILLAH) when I was dealing with stuffs that didn't matter much, when I was still a mess.

I grew up basically a brat, but I turned out pretty okay (i guess? haha) And up to the latest news, I flunked my A-Levels. Right when I am finally, comfortably, truthfully, deeply in love with Allah.

So what does this say?

does Allah love me enough to have me fail my A-Levels?
is it better to not having love Allah so much?
you'd done better before college. you think this is a good gesture?

I laugh. (yes, I laugh at my own thoughts. because it seems to me that no one ever talks to me anymore. so I'm talking alone)

The answer is..

YES. Allah loved me too much that He gave a great lesson. That He lets me learn that, I can't get over my head over all the things He gave me before I realised that HE was, and is, the one responsible for my streak of glory right up till my A-Levels results.

NO. It is not better for not loving Allah much. If it had not been Him, I wouldn't be here. And I wouldn't have known my flaws. I would've gone flying, pursuing my dreams with the thought that "I'm smart, I can do it all" or "I did this all on my own" when the fact is, I'm not, and I didn't. Allah caught me at the exact and right moment, right before I got to blow on my own trumpet.

and YES. This is a great gesture. At least, to me. That the power to what lies ahead is not in my hands. It's in His. And it always will be that way. That no matter what I do or how much, if Allah does not favors it, then it won't be. He is the one who decides what's best for me. Not me. Not my parents. Not anyone. Only Him. To some, they may see me as a failure, but I just couldn't care more.

I am walking, chin up, because Allah lets me fall before I really go deeper into the world. To understand that He will be there to catch me when I fall. That it is not the end, just caused I failed. It might take a while to stand again. But to try is better. It's what He wants to see. My endeavor.
So, yeah. This is the first time I kinda ever have to ever work hard to get what I want. And I am looking forward to see where this path leads.


This is a test for me. A test of where I put Allah, and the world. Because when I decide to put Allah in my heart, then the world MUST be on my hands. Not the other way around.


I wonder if I'll succeed in doing so.
Perhaps.




Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Results are OUT!

bismillah. It's a wonderful day. Today is the day I get my A-Level results. Yippie!   It is however, due to my psychicness, that I won't carve a smile on my parents face. Had that feeling in my gut since July. It's a feeling of, discomfort. And nothing can shake it off. I'd like to say a lot here. About what happened to me since that particular July. But I'd end up whining things I shouldn't. Better save it for someone better to listen to. And to not-my-surprise, my results were under par. And I am not sad. At all. Well, maybe a little, but no mental breakdown whatsoever. This, however, never happened to me. I never went into an exam, and NOT pass. Never. Not the UPSR. Not PMR. Not SPM. *not trying to boast here* And this is the first. And I gotta tell ya. It doesn't hurt so bad. I've seen many of my friends went nuts and cry a lot after their results didn't come out as good as others. And I didn't know what to do, th
4 comments
Read more

Something Worth Promoting

bismillah. Hello! Hello! Buat adik-adik lepasan SPM 2011, adik-adik daftar ke mana lepas ni? Ni haa~ akak nak promote ni. Once in a lifetime chance. I want to promote to you.. KOLEJ TEKNOLOGI TIMUR! Well, people say we can't judge a book by its cover kan? So, akak tak maulah tayang wajah sebenar KTT Sepang ni. *hehe Kolej ni adalah antara kolej terkecil kat Malaysia. (kot) everything is in two blocks of shop houses. Can you imagine that? All the halls and libraries and musolla and the cafes and the staffrooms. Even our houses! One thing that awes me the most when I first came here is the way everything was planned to work. It's hard to imagine the way they first planned to place this and that in that small area. But it totally worked out! AWESOMEEE! A lot is going on while you're in KTT. We have activities like normal colleges do, but in a smaller scale (i guess) Yeah, it's easy to live here. You can't easily fly anywhere without a tra
2 comments
Read more

Take Me Back.

bismillah. It's been a while since I've been here. I didn't feel worthy enough to write again. But I promised myself that I won't quit. I browsed through my old facebook notes. And this is a particularly sad one, because I've been in the same circle for years, never learning my lesson. I am hoping by posting this, I myself am reminded. So, here goes. " Take Me Back " 28 September 2012 at 00:44 I'm walking into this room again. It's half full, but I am so alone. I can almost hear my heart thumping, as I tried so hard to hide how its beats were playing the notes I don't want people to ever hear. Fear. I'm scared to face you again here. The place where solace was so near, I could dream forever. I'm scared, because it has been long. I have been constantly leaving you. Giving excuses to myself, that by leaving I was actually finding myself. Lie. A big fat lie. The world has put a big blob of dis
Post a Comment
Read more