Musafir Biru

I'm here again, sitting at the porch under the moonless night, the moon is probably hiding somewhere. The sky is full of clouds, and as I look down, the streets are filled with kids and teens running around in laughter, it's almost as if I am amidst the shadows of people. Only, I'm alone. There's firework lighting the skies, and the Eid chant is bursting in the air. The celebration is on, but I feel alienated once more. "Jasmine, come on! Eid's here. What's with the face and all?" Jane, my big sister insisted that I join her downstairs with the others, preparing for tomorrow. But I don't feel like it. I am just not ready. As I sit down the bench, the cold starts biting my bones. I'm thinking to myself, 'This isn't happening. It can't be.' I clutch my hands and starts blowing. It's too cold out here. But I think it's just me. I pulled my collar up and pulled my knees in. My mind twirling around the meeting w

bismillah. It's the night of 29th Ramadhan. The race is at its end. And how do I feel about it? Sad. Deeply, extremely sad. I hardly meet Ramadhan. Once a year. And for many years, I spent the days Ramadhan was here by just letting it pass by. This is one of the years where I truly devote myself in meeting Ramadhan, yet I feel it didn't change me. I didn't change. My fingers are literally trembling of the fact that.. I might not even see Ramadhan again. I am so overwhelmed. My heart is almost bursting of sadness. I might finish this race, but I don't know if I'm winning. And for the times I tried, well, He's the Only One to judge me. And I pray that this month has made me stronger within. Probably. Maybe. InshaAllah This is my last night with Ramadhan insyaAllah. I hope this possibly last date will last a lifetime. Cause I don't know if I have that long. I might not even see tomorrow. Or even finish my date tonigh

bismillah. 12 Ogos. Penat menerpa. Baru sahaja sampai ke kolej. Malam ada moreh. Sungguh rasa nak buang perasaan malas tu. Tapi rasanya.. raut wajah tak dapat menipu. I was not 'here' ohh tolonglah senyum ikhlas sikit tapi aku masih tak mampu. Tenang, tapi hilang.. 13 Ogos. Pagi itu riuh dalam kelas. Masing-masing nampak teruja. Penantian dua bulan berakhir jua. Keputusan exam akan dikeluarkan dalam masa beberapa jam, dan ramai yang makin tak senang duduk. aku? Sudah kembali ke alam nyata alhamdulillah. Serasa mahu lari dari realiti, hari ini adalah harinya. Tapi, hehe mungkin tidak. Kaki menginjak lebih dekat, tapi seakan mahu berlari pergi. Berdalih dan terus berdalih. Akhirnya aku akur,  aku tak boleh lari. This is it. Helaian demi helaian diteliti. "di mana aku?" Nombor dan huruf jelas terlihat. Ada A pada keputusanku. Ada A. Dan aku kembali hilang. Sekembali dari kedai bersama Liyana, aku berkeras mahu lihat semu