Skip to main content

Betul Ke Kerana Allah?

bismillah.

alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah. minggu ni dah bermula exam final. berdebar? yes. ready? not so much.

pagi exam tu, sorang buah hati share surah Al-Anfal ayat 1. wow! alhamdulillah, masa tu sangat struggle untuk tukar niat. nak exam kerana Allah. usaha kerana Allah. jawab nanti kerana Allah.

dan saat masuk dalam bilik exam, alhamdulillah Allah pinjamkan hati yang tenang untuk jawab. (walaupun banyak je yang tinggal) but i did my best. alhamdulillah.

minggu ni, Allah banyak nak uji tentang 'kerana Allah'

masa bukak facebook haritu, terbaca status THE Inche Gabbana,

saat lidah mengucapkan "uhibbuki fillah!
adakah betul-betul dengan hati
atau hanya sekadar diucapkan di lidah?

ouch.

selama ni, sibuk bagitau ukhti tercinta, 'ana ithar anti', tapi betul-betul ithar ke kalau belum cukup thiqah?



{Read More?]






baru-baru ni, ada sorang buah hati berkelakuan ganjil. ada buah hati lain minta tolong tengokkan. saya menolak, sebab lebih suka orang bagitau kalau ada masalah daripada bertanya sendiri.

bad habit of the past that i'm trying to eliminate.

dan buah hati tu cakap something that made me tick,

memang takkanlah dia cerita kat kau.
asal dia nak cakap je, kau gelakkan dia.

ouch lagi.

hmm.. nampaknya dah buat salah.

malam semalam ada sorang buah hati menangis pulak. serba salah nak tanya. jadi, daripada mencuba tanya, saya lari.

and things went downhill from there.

i spent the whole day figuring out whether my intentions are right.

kerana Allah?
betul ke aku ithar ukhti aku?
betul ke aku buat ni kerana Allah?

and the answers were..overwhelming.

menangis. sebab tak pasti.

bila buat kerana Allah ni, terasa macam takde punca untuk bergaduh. untuk marah.
tapi ada tanggungjawab untuk usahakan yang terbaik and not walk away like i used to.

sebab dah janji. atas nama Allah. nak tsabat sama-sama.

tapi bila body language says otherwise, semua jadi sesak dada.

bila orang nampak yang kita marah. bila orang perasan yang kita tak puas hati. bila orang sedar yang kita take things for granted.

that means, something is wrong with me.

seharian menangis, sebab tak pasti. and i took the decision, probably the stupidest, to make a U-turn and come back to square one.

sebab saya rasa, kalau takde rasa percaya, rasa berlapang dada tu hilang.

Setinggi-tinggi ukhuwwah adalah melebihkan sahabat
Selemah-lemah ukhuwwah adalah berlapang dada

hmm.. rasa diri ni, a failure all over again.

tak berdiri cukup segak untuk hadapi ujian, and stand firm, supaya ukhuwwah ni makin teguh. instead, i'm making it a whole awful lot worse.

i need to find my munthalaq back. kenapa sebenarnya aku nak ukhuwwah fillah ni.

because i love my buah hatis so, so much. kerana Allah.

eh?

yes. that part I am very sure.

I love them.

but i am very uncertain that i am making the right moves in bringing this relationship forward, carrying His name.
to make everything, kerana Allah.

am I?



Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Results are OUT!

bismillah. It's a wonderful day. Today is the day I get my A-Level results. Yippie!   It is however, due to my psychicness, that I won't carve a smile on my parents face. Had that feeling in my gut since July. It's a feeling of, discomfort. And nothing can shake it off. I'd like to say a lot here. About what happened to me since that particular July. But I'd end up whining things I shouldn't. Better save it for someone better to listen to. And to not-my-surprise, my results were under par. And I am not sad. At all. Well, maybe a little, but no mental breakdown whatsoever. This, however, never happened to me. I never went into an exam, and NOT pass. Never. Not the UPSR. Not PMR. Not SPM. *not trying to boast here* And this is the first. And I gotta tell ya. It doesn't hurt so bad. I've seen many of my friends went nuts and cry a lot after their results didn't come out as good as others. And I didn't know what to do, th
4 comments
Read more

Something Worth Promoting

bismillah. Hello! Hello! Buat adik-adik lepasan SPM 2011, adik-adik daftar ke mana lepas ni? Ni haa~ akak nak promote ni. Once in a lifetime chance. I want to promote to you.. KOLEJ TEKNOLOGI TIMUR! Well, people say we can't judge a book by its cover kan? So, akak tak maulah tayang wajah sebenar KTT Sepang ni. *hehe Kolej ni adalah antara kolej terkecil kat Malaysia. (kot) everything is in two blocks of shop houses. Can you imagine that? All the halls and libraries and musolla and the cafes and the staffrooms. Even our houses! One thing that awes me the most when I first came here is the way everything was planned to work. It's hard to imagine the way they first planned to place this and that in that small area. But it totally worked out! AWESOMEEE! A lot is going on while you're in KTT. We have activities like normal colleges do, but in a smaller scale (i guess) Yeah, it's easy to live here. You can't easily fly anywhere without a tra
2 comments
Read more

Take Me Back.

bismillah. It's been a while since I've been here. I didn't feel worthy enough to write again. But I promised myself that I won't quit. I browsed through my old facebook notes. And this is a particularly sad one, because I've been in the same circle for years, never learning my lesson. I am hoping by posting this, I myself am reminded. So, here goes. " Take Me Back " 28 September 2012 at 00:44 I'm walking into this room again. It's half full, but I am so alone. I can almost hear my heart thumping, as I tried so hard to hide how its beats were playing the notes I don't want people to ever hear. Fear. I'm scared to face you again here. The place where solace was so near, I could dream forever. I'm scared, because it has been long. I have been constantly leaving you. Giving excuses to myself, that by leaving I was actually finding myself. Lie. A big fat lie. The world has put a big blob of dis
Post a Comment
Read more