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Betul Ke Kerana Allah?

bismillah.

alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah. minggu ni dah bermula exam final. berdebar? yes. ready? not so much.

pagi exam tu, sorang buah hati share surah Al-Anfal ayat 1. wow! alhamdulillah, masa tu sangat struggle untuk tukar niat. nak exam kerana Allah. usaha kerana Allah. jawab nanti kerana Allah.

dan saat masuk dalam bilik exam, alhamdulillah Allah pinjamkan hati yang tenang untuk jawab. (walaupun banyak je yang tinggal) but i did my best. alhamdulillah.

minggu ni, Allah banyak nak uji tentang 'kerana Allah'

masa bukak facebook haritu, terbaca status THE Inche Gabbana,

saat lidah mengucapkan "uhibbuki fillah!
adakah betul-betul dengan hati
atau hanya sekadar diucapkan di lidah?

ouch.

selama ni, sibuk bagitau ukhti tercinta, 'ana ithar anti', tapi betul-betul ithar ke kalau belum cukup thiqah?



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baru-baru ni, ada sorang buah hati berkelakuan ganjil. ada buah hati lain minta tolong tengokkan. saya menolak, sebab lebih suka orang bagitau kalau ada masalah daripada bertanya sendiri.

bad habit of the past that i'm trying to eliminate.

dan buah hati tu cakap something that made me tick,

memang takkanlah dia cerita kat kau.
asal dia nak cakap je, kau gelakkan dia.

ouch lagi.

hmm.. nampaknya dah buat salah.

malam semalam ada sorang buah hati menangis pulak. serba salah nak tanya. jadi, daripada mencuba tanya, saya lari.

and things went downhill from there.

i spent the whole day figuring out whether my intentions are right.

kerana Allah?
betul ke aku ithar ukhti aku?
betul ke aku buat ni kerana Allah?

and the answers were..overwhelming.

menangis. sebab tak pasti.

bila buat kerana Allah ni, terasa macam takde punca untuk bergaduh. untuk marah.
tapi ada tanggungjawab untuk usahakan yang terbaik and not walk away like i used to.

sebab dah janji. atas nama Allah. nak tsabat sama-sama.

tapi bila body language says otherwise, semua jadi sesak dada.

bila orang nampak yang kita marah. bila orang perasan yang kita tak puas hati. bila orang sedar yang kita take things for granted.

that means, something is wrong with me.

seharian menangis, sebab tak pasti. and i took the decision, probably the stupidest, to make a U-turn and come back to square one.

sebab saya rasa, kalau takde rasa percaya, rasa berlapang dada tu hilang.

Setinggi-tinggi ukhuwwah adalah melebihkan sahabat
Selemah-lemah ukhuwwah adalah berlapang dada

hmm.. rasa diri ni, a failure all over again.

tak berdiri cukup segak untuk hadapi ujian, and stand firm, supaya ukhuwwah ni makin teguh. instead, i'm making it a whole awful lot worse.

i need to find my munthalaq back. kenapa sebenarnya aku nak ukhuwwah fillah ni.

because i love my buah hatis so, so much. kerana Allah.

eh?

yes. that part I am very sure.

I love them.

but i am very uncertain that i am making the right moves in bringing this relationship forward, carrying His name.
to make everything, kerana Allah.

am I?



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