Mana Pergantungan Aku?

bismillah.

Beberapa minggu lepas semasa berbulatan gembira, isi alIkhlas dikupas. Cantik, tapi berat. Bercerita tentang..

pergantungan.

Apakah benar kita meletakkan satu ratus peratus perngharapan kita kepada Allah? Kalau kita benar-benar muslim, betul-betul ke percaya kepada Allah?

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Selepas itu, saya diuji dengan alIkhlas ni. Sejauh mana saya mahu beramal dan menghayati dengan intipati surah ini.

Seperti dalam post saya "Betul Ke Kerana Allah?" tu, terlampau banyak yang menduga.

Saat saya betul-betul yakin dengan ukhuwwah fillah saya dengan teman berbulatan gembira di sini, things turnover and went south.

Aku berukhuwwah ni sebab best atau sebab Allah?

It took me one whole day to figure it out. Yes, I wanna do it for Allah. But I cannot do it, thinking that I made it awesome. I need to believe that HE is the one who made it the way it is.

And I felt better. And everything went better. Waaaayyyy better. Alhamdulillah.

I no longer mind being left out, because I know those are the times I have for a date with Him.

I don't bother people pissing me off. Cause I don't feel it's worth it to waste on emotions that are not beneficial.

I am no longer angry. Because Allah does not want to see me that way.

I feel much more.. in solace


Berlapang dada dah tak jadi masalah, alhamdulillah.. sebab semuanya dihadirkan dengan izin Allah. Tak lagi memaksa diri untuk rasa diterima oleh ramai orang. Sebab dah faham, yang Allah bagi ruang dan peluang untuk buat kerja secara ikhlas. Ikhlas itu bukan memaksa. Tapi rela.

Rela diperlakukan apa saja, sebab semua usaha kembali pada Allah.

Rela dengan hasil usaha, sebab semuanya pemberian Allah jua.

Satu hari, seorang buah hati offer untuk beraktiviti hari-hari. Dan saya rasa sangat bahagia. Sebab ada yang sudi, spend time dengan saya.  I spent everyday of that moment smiling and laughing. Because the feeling of, total happiness was overwhelming me inside.

So therein.

But then one day, she requested to stop. And I was VERY disappointed. Devastated, I became muted in my feelings.

And it hit me. Rasa bahagia tu datang dari dia atau dari Allah?

The silence I felt whenever I waved goodbye, the sadness I felt when she walked away, and the awkwardness answered my questions.

it was from her.

Jadi saya habiskan beberapa ketika untuk betul-betul 'shift'kan pergantungan rasa bahagia tu. Dari dia, kepada Allah.

And it felt good. Great, actually.

Because the feeling of joy, no longer come and go as her presence was. It stayed, because He gave me an awesome feeling to be happy all the time. Even when I'm alone.

Because I had Him.

And it's always been that way. I just didn't realise it.

And I am no longer sad. Allah sent people accompanying me everyday afterwards, ones which I learned not to take for granted anymore.

Too many things shook me these past few days. But it all lead me to one same thing.

To truly understand, that Allah is the one who gave it all.

And can take it all back.

As long as I hold on tight to Him, I have everything.

Bergantung hanya pada Dia.

Just Him.

.gelintar qalbus saadah.