Musafir Biru

bismillah. Well, this past week, I am OVERWHELMED by a lot of feelings. If you came across my latest blog post, 'The Results are OUT!' then you'd know. I guess. But it came to my mind yesterday. A feeling I never thought I can ever have again. I was watching a TV show called Merlin, you know, that show about the young warlock destined to do great things and change the world, the last dragonlord etc. Merlin. Well, the thing is, since last year, I don't cry anymore. Well, not when watching TV or movies, at least. It's because, when I was still in college, I was lucky enough to have been chosen by Allah to befriend people so devoted to Him, that the feelings of sadness and loneliness doesn't seem to matter anymore. Because we always have each other, no matter what happens. Well, different story for me, though. I was never  there for anyone. I was such a.. A.. ahh~ I don't even know what to call it. A snob, maybe? A jerk? Yes, that's maybe a wor...

bismillah. It's a wonderful day. Today is the day I get my A-Level results. Yippie!   It is however, due to my psychicness, that I won't carve a smile on my parents face. Had that feeling in my gut since July. It's a feeling of, discomfort. And nothing can shake it off. I'd like to say a lot here. About what happened to me since that particular July. But I'd end up whining things I shouldn't. Better save it for someone better to listen to. And to not-my-surprise, my results were under par. And I am not sad. At all. Well, maybe a little, but no mental breakdown whatsoever. This, however, never happened to me. I never went into an exam, and NOT pass. Never. Not the UPSR. Not PMR. Not SPM. *not trying to boast here* And this is the first. And I gotta tell ya. It doesn't hurt so bad. I've seen many of my friends went nuts and cry a lot after their results didn't come out as good as others. And I didn't know what to do, th...

bismillah. Wow! It's almost two months I've been in the holiday mode. And so far, I have been doing nothing. I haven't worked (well, not a REAL job that is), I haven't finish my hafazan, I haven't finish reading my books. Absolutely a non-satisfying holiday. I know, I am to blame. Just say it. I've been having a condition where I am unable to implement what I wanna do at the time and place I want. Well, some call it excuse. Some may call it laziness. To be honest, I have to agree. I'm at the point where I am too sensitive of things. I can't be scolded. I can't be taunted. I can't be laughed at. (wait, I ALWAYS experience this!) To tell ya the truth, I am sick of myself. Sick of not doing anything. I tried to change, but all was the same. This reminded me of a time, when I was still in college. One day, as I was going to class and passed my friends' apartment, she said to me (out loud) Eh, muka kau berseri-seri la! ...

bismillah. It's been a while, eh? Haha, i'm sorry for not keeping my promise. Well, just had dinner. As I was finishing, my dad came by at the kitchen table. So did my brother. We had a long chat. But, dad kinda did most of the talking. Baba : (he nags at the beginning, so I'm not gonna write all that he said) Don't show that picture which I was using a wheelchair to anyone, okay?    FYI, this happened a while ago. Dad couldn't walk properly, so when we went to the clinic, for the first time ever he asked for one! Which kinda saddens me at that moment Me : What if I already showed it to some? Baba : Okay. But no more than that. I actually never showed it to anyone else. HUH?! I lied to my dad?? Baba : You have to learn to be more thoughtful. In this house, I am the only one who has that fine quality. Both of you HAVE to improve. My brother and I only looked at him, and smiled. We know that, dad. Baba : Now, Iman (my brother) is the thoug...