Deep

bismillah.

It's been a while, eh? Haha, i'm sorry for not keeping my promise.

Well, just had dinner. As I was finishing, my dad came by at the kitchen table. So did my brother. We had a long chat. But, dad kinda did most of the talking.

Baba : (he nags at the beginning, so I'm not gonna write all that he said) Don't show that picture which I was using a wheelchair to anyone, okay?

   FYI, this happened a while ago. Dad couldn't walk properly, so when we went to the clinic, for the first time ever he asked for one! Which kinda saddens me at that moment

Me : What if I already showed it to some?
Baba : Okay. But no more than that.

I actually never showed it to anyone else. HUH?! I lied to my dad??

Baba : You have to learn to be more thoughtful. In this house, I am the only one who has that fine quality. Both of you HAVE to improve.

My brother and I only looked at him, and smiled. We know that, dad.

Baba : Now, Iman (my brother) is the thoughtful one. He lifted me (from the car when we came back from the clinic that night) I remember when you were still a kid (pointing at me) you used to push me up the stairs when I can't move.

Me : It's what we CAN do now. (I said some not good things about myself, which implicates badly on another person, so I won't write what I said here)

Afterwards, my dad kept smiling. And he still smiled as he said these words.

Baba : (laughing) First, a push at the back. Next, being lifted by hand. Then, lifted on the shoulders. (he laughed some more)

Lifted by the shoulders, is what people do when they are carrying a dead man. Like the memorial services do as they carry the casket to thegraveyard

I glanced at my brother. We were both laughing.

Iman : Is that supposed to be funny? You like it?

Baba : Like it or not, you HAVE to face it. Mental preparation.

And we left the conversation at that. And as I was laughing with them as the topic is dropped, I felt a burning in my eyes. And my vision turned glossy.

I wasn't sad that I KNEW the fact that he might leave us someday. I was sad that I MIGHT not be ready for it.

A sad, painful, strenuous spoken truth.

.thanksbaba.