With Me

Saturday, September 28

Cloud Nine

bismillah.

You know how we get all giddy when a crush of ours actually notices us? Or when we get attention from someone we're dying to meet? Or when our parents grants us what we desires most? And after the encounter, we smiled all day, even in public and people thought we were insane? And you feel you just got swept off your feet and felt like flying?

That just happened to me.



I was literally, swept off my feet.

I was going to a replacement class early in the morning a few days before. I was trying to walk stronger by the day, because I realized there was no point shutting down forever.

As I walked alone under the sun, and reciting my morning supplement of ma'thurat, my vision was a bit troubled, so I put my glasses away. And there I was, alone on the road. And then, a car pulled over to my right. The driver, a woman, told me to get in. As an almost extreme introvert, I was reluctant to do so.

Remember those TV shows where kids says, "Mommy doesn't let me talk to strangers"?

That was what went through my mind. But she was hijabbed, so I had a strong sense of trust on that. [note to future kidnappers *woot*woot* ]

So I went inside her car. I couldn't see her face clearly because I hadn't put my glasses on, but I could see her smile. It was convincing, and comforting. I had a hard time around Malay Muslims, because there was a huge gap. We never exchanged salaams, or even smiles. Even if I offered one.

Anyways, that driver who introduced herself and told me she was a staff there, changed and shifted my insecurities. She told me beforehand that she could only send my up until the cafeteria, cause she was running late and needed to have a rushed breakfast.

And you know what's sweeter?

She asked me to join her, and offered to pay for it.

Here we were, two previously-unmet strangers, and she reached far for a hand in friendship. I declined, because I was running late, too. She said that she hoped to meet up again. And we parted.

I walked away when I stepped out of her car, and I smiled all the way until I stepped in class. And that feeling of giddiness stayed all day.

The blessings of getting warmth from someone was a gift from Allah. A very, very sweet gift. And the silver lining is shining brighter, and despite feeling grateful, I was somewhat ashamed.

I don't deserve these.
Any of it.


Deserving is when you actually do things that corresponds to the value of the things you get in return.

For what I have; my decreasing, yet still good health, great circle of friends, a loving family, a blessed education path, I sincerely don't deserve any of it.

But here's the sweetest part.
And I'm guessing all of you already know this.
Allah gives, without greed.
I had an argument with a friend one day. She said that 'life is unfair. God is, but life is not'.

For all the ups and downs I have all my life, of course I disagreed. My counter-argument was, 'life, is always fair. It's all about your perspective'. And I added that, my glass is always half full.
Okay, maybe I was naive, but I was constantly emphasized on the fact that Allah NEVER gives us more than we can face, or what we deserved.

Regardless of my flaws, Allah still gave me much to hold on to. And I can never repay all of this.
But He gave. Still.

So, everyday, before I sleep, no matter how hard my day was, I would picture a life of perfection and love in between my supplications.

Because, in the end,
laa yukallifullahu nafsan ILLA wus'aha

Thank You, my love.
For everything.

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