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Cloud Nine


You know how we get all giddy when a crush of ours actually notices us? Or when we get attention from someone we're dying to meet? Or when our parents grants us what we desires most? And after the encounter, we smiled all day, even in public and people thought we were insane? And you feel you just got swept off your feet and felt like flying?

That just happened to me.

I was literally, swept off my feet.

I was going to a replacement class early in the morning a few days before. I was trying to walk stronger by the day, because I realized there was no point shutting down forever.

As I walked alone under the sun, and reciting my morning supplement of ma'thurat, my vision was a bit troubled, so I put my glasses away. And there I was, alone on the road. And then, a car pulled over to my right. The driver, a woman, told me to get in. As an almost extreme introvert, I was reluctant to do so.

Remember those TV shows where kids says, "Mommy doesn't let me talk to strangers"?

That was what went through my mind. But she was hijabbed, so I had a strong sense of trust on that. [note to future kidnappers *woot*woot* ]

So I went inside her car. I couldn't see her face clearly because I hadn't put my glasses on, but I could see her smile. It was convincing, and comforting. I had a hard time around Malay Muslims, because there was a huge gap. We never exchanged salaams, or even smiles. Even if I offered one.

Anyways, that driver who introduced herself and told me she was a staff there, changed and shifted my insecurities. She told me beforehand that she could only send my up until the cafeteria, cause she was running late and needed to have a rushed breakfast.

And you know what's sweeter?

She asked me to join her, and offered to pay for it.

Here we were, two previously-unmet strangers, and she reached far for a hand in friendship. I declined, because I was running late, too. She said that she hoped to meet up again. And we parted.

I walked away when I stepped out of her car, and I smiled all the way until I stepped in class. And that feeling of giddiness stayed all day.

The blessings of getting warmth from someone was a gift from Allah. A very, very sweet gift. And the silver lining is shining brighter, and despite feeling grateful, I was somewhat ashamed.

I don't deserve these.
Any of it.

Deserving is when you actually do things that corresponds to the value of the things you get in return.

For what I have; my decreasing, yet still good health, great circle of friends, a loving family, a blessed education path, I sincerely don't deserve any of it.

But here's the sweetest part.
And I'm guessing all of you already know this.
Allah gives, without greed.
I had an argument with a friend one day. She said that 'life is unfair. God is, but life is not'.

For all the ups and downs I have all my life, of course I disagreed. My counter-argument was, 'life, is always fair. It's all about your perspective'. And I added that, my glass is always half full.
Okay, maybe I was naive, but I was constantly emphasized on the fact that Allah NEVER gives us more than we can face, or what we deserved.

Regardless of my flaws, Allah still gave me much to hold on to. And I can never repay all of this.
But He gave. Still.

So, everyday, before I sleep, no matter how hard my day was, I would picture a life of perfection and love in between my supplications.

Because, in the end,
laa yukallifullahu nafsan ILLA wus'aha

Thank You, my love.
For everything.
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fuh. baru je menjejakkan kaki ke teratak terchenta setelah 3 bulan lebih tinggalkannya. rindu? adelah sikit *big grin.
sampai je kat ruang tamu, nampak khemah besar!

okay, khemah sebenar bukan warna biru-kuning ni. kaler merah. khemah untuk budak-budak. dan takde tingkap. -.- #yang kat atas ni gambar google je.
bestlah khemah ni. rupanya ni khemah ni milik anak sedara bujang dua orang kat rumah ni. tapi open to anyone who wants to enter. pintu khemah sentiasa terbuka *chewah. saya pun ape lagi. jenguklah ke dalam. maklumlah jakun tak pernah dapat masa kecik dulu -.- memang bestla. boleh tidur dalam tu!

tengok anak-anak buah hepi je main sama-sama. makcik yang serba-serbi malas ni pun seronoklaaaa tak payah jaga sangat diorang dah syok main tu :) heheh

khemah ni agak kukuh strukturnya. tiang support dia boleh tahanlah. kalau baaaaanyak mainan dalam khemah ni, memang takkan tumbanglah.tapi, bila semua mainan kena bawak keluar, main dengan babies yang ada dalam rumah ni (current…

Take Me Back.

It's been a while since I've been here. I didn't feel worthy enough to write again. But I promised myself that I won't quit. I browsed through my old facebook notes. And this is a particularly sad one, because I've been in the same circle for years, never learning my lesson.
I am hoping by posting this, I myself am reminded. So, here goes.

"Take Me Back"
28 September 2012 at 00:44

I'm walking into this room again. It's half full, but I am so alone. I can almost hear my heart thumping, as I tried so hard to hide how its beats were playing the notes I don't want people to ever hear.
I'm scared to face you again here. The place where solace was so near, I could dream forever. I'm scared, because it has been long. I have been constantly leaving you. Giving excuses to myself, that by leaving I was actually finding myself.
Lie. A big fat lie.
The world has put a big blob of disappointment in my life these past couple of week…