With Me

Tuesday, September 24

Sweet Surprise

bismillah.

So last Thursday, I was in class. And then I got a text, a Whatsapp message to be exact, from my sister in India. My dear lecturer back in college was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.

It was 10.00 am. My first class of the day had just started. There I was, in the middle of the class, in between classmates, trembling... holding up my tears... I lost my focus and everything that my lecturer said , taught and did in front of the class, was gone like the wind. Even the events of the force-me-to-eat-tomato that traumatized some of my classmates was nearly forgotten.

I was lost.
I couldn't deal with it.



Nothing like this has ever happened to me.

Okay, that got out wrong.

No close relative of mine has ever been admitted to the hospital for days and then diagnosed with a possible terminal illness.

I was shocked.
Literally.
I have no clue as of what to do, how to react, and so I did what I do best under these circumstances.

Shut down.

I know, I shouldn't make it about me. I was supposed to be strong, because my lecturer wouldn't want me to feel sorry. I was told so when my lecturer told me of what went wrong a few weeks back.

But, heck yeah, I made it about me anyways.

I even lost myself in my maths test that very same day.

I was silent the whole day, and I was fortunate enough to have friends who tried to cheer me up.

Everything was temporary.
And that fact never hit me so near to home.

I tried everything to be strong in case I decided to come and visit, but to no avail.

But then last weekend, I did some long pondering. And I found it.

That glimmer of hope.
I finally reconnected with Allah. After being detached for some time, wallahi, alhamdulillah I finally found a way back.

And I felt stronger. And I kinda felt the strength my lecturer had when the news got out.
A new breeze.

I will make a call, and maybe a visit to my lecturer.
I wanna be there alongside my lecturer's struggles and tests.
I want to.

Everything seemed clearer, and a silver lining will come along, I'm sure of it.
Allah never breaks any of His promises.
Allah never lets us down.
Never.

Today, in class, my lecturer (another subject) came up with a question.
What do you believe in?
 I can't, for the love of Allah, remember what the previous discussion was about.

And my lecturer asked that question to a guy sitting in front of me.
He is from China.

And I can almost swear I heard him say, "Allah".
It sounded a bit weird in his accent, but I can almost hear it.

I smiled all through class (except the part where I slept, a bit) because I thought he really said it. And I make up this whole scenario where I confronted him for the truth, whether or not he really said it.


[I have a thing for guys who openly admit they love Allah. Because living in an international university, I can never decide who's who. If I can't even tell whether a girl is a Muslim or not, let alone a guy. So, yeah] Opps.


Everything is starting to stand a little firmer.
A little taller.
A little wiser.




Allah will guide you to a sea of His love. And before you reach the beach,

NEVER stop walking.




this is a dedication for my dear lecturer. hoping that this reach my lecturer's eyes, though not beautiful. thought that i'd share how i felt, in my own words, my own ways.

In case it does, my lecturer, I want you to know, I love you. And you will be in my prayers. Forever. No matter how, or when, this road ends.
In His arms.
Forever.


[I remember now. The discussion we had. My lecturer posed a question, "Which do you believe? Creation, or evolution? *insert conversation with chinese guy here*]


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