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Alahai.. Takde Rezeki

Alkisah..

Pagi ni saya dan housemates dah berjanji seikhlas hati (erkk) nak pergi breakfast sama-sama kat gerai mamak luar kolej ni. It's like a 3 and a half minute walk. Saya sebenarnya... kempunan nak makan..


ROTI MILO!

Entahlah kenapa. Sebab dah suka. Dah lebih sebulan saya simpan rasa kempunan saya ni. Lagipun, saya dan housemates dah laaaaaaama tak buat 'activities' together.

Saya rindu zaman kitorang berborak, just about ourselves. Not about guys. But about what's important.
OURSELVES
 Okay. touching sekejap.

Pagi ni jugak sepatutnya akhawat buat ekspedisi menawan bukit tangki. Saya teringin nak pergi. Tapi memikirkan yang matlamat berukhuwah itu sama pada kedua-dua plan saya, dan housemates yang dah berharap, saya batalkan niat saya untuk join ekspedisi tu.

Tapi, aturan Allah itu lebih best. Rupa-rupanya, Dia dah plan sesuatu yang lebih nyata untuk saya.

Semalam, housemate saya sorang decide untuk balik rumah. Tiba-tiba. Saya tak kisah. Sebab dari semalam saya sedar yang dia pun serba salah nak balik. Dia macam lupa janji dia pagi ni. Maka, saya pun takdelah nak ungkit.

Pagi ni, housemate saya lagi sorang tertidur. Penat sangat gamaknya, semalam pergi ceramah Ustaz Azhar Idrus. Saya pun berat hati nak kejutkan.

Jadi, saya pun tak pergilah kedua-dua event ni. Takde rezki.

Sedih. Tapi nak buat macam mana kan?

Saya ni pantang orang mungkir janji. Tapi pagi ni saya rasa... okay je. Saya tau Allah tengah uji saya. Dia dah pesan

133. Dan bersegeralah kamu mencari keampunan Tuhanmu dan mendapatkan syurga yang LUASNYA SELUAS LANGIT DAN BUMI yang disediakan bagi orang-orang yang bertakwa.
134. Iaitu orang yang berinfak, baik di waktu lapang mahupun sempit, dan orang-orang yang MENAHAN AMARAHNYA dan memaafkan kesalahan orang lain. Dan Allah mencintai orang yang berbuat kebaikan.

Wow. Best tak janji boyfie saya? (boyfie tu nama manja untuk boyfriend)

Boyfie saya nak bagi saya EVERYTHING, kalau saya ikut cakap dia. Oh boyfie, what can i ever do without you?

Tapi, saya tau, saya tak dapat nikmat tu lagi, sebab saya tak infakkan masa lapang saya, atau masa susah saya untuk dia. Saya selalu takde waktu Dia nak saya jumpa Dia. Saya tak dedicate hidup saya pun untuk hubungan ni.

Malunya!
Pastu boleh pulak saya nak mengidamkan syurga tu? Eww~

Saya sekadar menahan amarah dan bersabar. Saya maafkan housemates saya yang terlupa secara tak sengaja tu. Saya tak kisah. Saya tau Allah promises something better insyaAllah. Dia bagi saya macam-macam. Tapi, saya.. Apa je yang saya bagi kat Dia??

Allah,
I know You always listens.
I know You are always near.
I know You love me more than I could ever love You.
I know You always wait for me without fail.

Yet I never did all those things for You.
I was never there
but when I needed You

Can I not realize Your love and care for me
before its too late?
Can I still grasp on this love
when I'm already slipping away?

My Dear,
You are the only one holding my heart
the only one that can
and I beg of You

never let me go.

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Comments

Liyana Mujahid said…
oh begitu kisahnya :)
xpe2, insyaALLAH ada hikmahnya.
nanti kita share ye ;)
March 25, 2012 at 1:00 PM
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