Skip to main content

I'm Not Dumb

bismillah.


it's hard when things don't go our way
times when summer turns to fall when all we want is the sun
when night falls but we just want to be awake

but it's harder
when we strive to be better
but people pushes us away
back to where we started

it's depressing
it's disappointing
it's killing you from the inside

i might be blind
overseeing you from the shadows
but i'm not that dumb to realize
that something's not right

i'm stupid for everything
i know that
but can't you at least spare me the tears
and just speak the truth?

i'm swimming in my emotions
and i'm crying in front of Allah now
but how i wish you would understand
that i'd like your shoulders too

it might be too late
for me to make things right
but for all that's worth
i love you
i had, and i always will


even if you don't believe me



i wish you can see right through me
and see how much you matter
but i guess you don't care anymore
you've replaced me with someone better

i'm not a good friend
there's nothing of that quality inside me
thanks for being there
while i'm still me

if Allah can accept me for who I am
why can't you?
i know i'm not all rainbows and sunshine inside
but i thought that's what friends are for

-to complete each other-

guess i was wrong, eh?

so, i'm sorry
for ever stepping in your life
i can see you're leaving
no goodbyes
no kisses and hugs
no more smiles..

and if solitude is the price i have to pay
i'll spend it for Allah
for all i want is for you to be happy..


even if i'm not in the picture




.i wish you knew.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

It's The End of The Race

bismillah. It's the night of 29th Ramadhan. The race is at its end. And how do I feel about it? Sad. Deeply, extremely sad. I hardly meet Ramadhan. Once a year. And for many years, I spent the days Ramadhan was here by just letting it pass by. This is one of the years where I truly devote myself in meeting Ramadhan, yet I feel it didn't change me. I didn't change. My fingers are literally trembling of the fact that.. I might not even see Ramadhan again. I am so overwhelmed. My heart is almost bursting of sadness. I might finish this race, but I don't know if I'm winning. And for the times I tried, well, He's the Only One to judge me. And I pray that this month has made me stronger within. Probably. Maybe. InshaAllah This is my last night with Ramadhan insyaAllah. I hope this possibly last date will last a lifetime. Cause I don't know if I have that long. I might not even see tomorrow. Or even finish my date tonigh
Post a Comment
Read more

Happy Birthday To Me! Is it?

Bismillah. 20 April 2012 Hari ni ada BBQ Muslimah kat Masjid BBST. Seronok. Hari ni, body dan roh dapat makanan masing-masing alhamdulillah. :) Malam kami makan tu, makan ramai-ramai dalam dulang. Best woo! Tiba-tiba, sorang akak ni seru, "Attention! Akak nak panggil dua orang ni, sebab dorang ada buat salah dengan akak," then nama mereka pun disebut. Tipikal. Biasa waktu program-program macam ni, kalau ada yang cakap macam tu mesti nak sambut befday. Semua orang bergembira, happy, bergelak ketawa. Buat sesiapa yang tak dapat rasa ke-best-an makan dalam dulang ni, sila rasainya sendiri ya :) Tiba-tiba, tengah akak-akak yang 'bersalah' tu dipanggil ke depan, sorang buah hati saya jerit dari depan (saya makan kat belakang) Dia (1) : Azneen! Azneen! Cepat pergi depan ni! Saya : Hah? Buat ape? Dia (1) : Eleh, buat-buat tak tahu pulak. (sengih lebar) Saya pun buat-buat tak tahu, dan terus nyanyi. (wah, nyanyi kat masjid tu. tak senonoh betu
2 comments
Read more

Maafkan Aku, Sahabat Setia

bismillah. sepanjang hari semua rasa tak kena. hati bergetar hebat, tahan macam-macam perasaan yang beribut dalam dada. tenang! tenang please! hati merintih tapi tiada apa yang terkesan. menangis. petang, banyak sangat yang mengganggu. baru sahaja kelmarin aku luahkan beban dalam jiwa. ringan sedikit.  mungkin. tapi hari ni, ahh~ bagai ombak menghempas pantai. menderu hebat membelah tepian. dan aku kembali terluka. sesal menebal dalam diri. menangis lagi. entah ke berapa kali. puas melukis senyuman di wajah yang sudah pun basah dengan air mata. tapi mata tak bisa tipu. perit itu terbias juga. dan air mata berjurai lagi. menyesal. dan aku putuskan semuanya dengan manusia lain. putuskan urat simpati yang aku ikat dari untaian kata-kata dari bibirku. air mata terus jatuh. musnahlah kepercayaan. 'it didn't work. telling didn't work. i don't feel better. this has to stop.' ceritera aku kembali aku simpan dalam peti rahsia. rah
Post a Comment
Read more