bismillah.
It's a wonderful day. Today is the day I get my A-Level results. Yippie!
It is however, due to my psychicness, that I won't carve a smile on my parents face. Had that feeling in my gut since July. It's a feeling of, discomfort. And nothing can shake it off.
I'd like to say a lot here. About what happened to me since that particular July. But I'd end up whining things I shouldn't. Better save it for someone better to listen to.
And to not-my-surprise, my results were under par. And I am not sad. At all. Well, maybe a little, but no mental breakdown whatsoever. This, however, never happened to me. I never went into an exam, and NOT pass. Never.
Not the UPSR. Not PMR. Not SPM. *not trying to boast here*
And this is the first. And I gotta tell ya. It doesn't hurt so bad. I've seen many of my friends went nuts and cry a lot after their results didn't come out as good as others. And I didn't know what to do, then, because I had never been in their shoes.
Now I have.
So, let me tell you something. This two-and-a-half hour of not being at the level people hoped me to be, taught me A LOT.
Cause a few weeks before the exam, someone said to my friends and I,
when the results come out, and you didn't score as high as the rest, you are tested. whether or not you can accept what is written, be happy for others for doing better and having better results. because those are tough moments. to be happy for others when you, yourself, aren't.
Well, I think that most people are disappointed in their results because they compare themselves to others. I'm not saying it's bad. I'm just saying that referring to people to set standards is good. But having the urge to compete against others' ability usually brings us away from things that are more important.
I never believe in that. My advice is to believe in what you are capable of. I'm not saying that aiming for the best is not what's needed. No. To me, practically, doing things under pressure because I need to score as others did never helped me getting the results I want. My own benchmark is my own performance. And I guess, that's why I never felt disappointed. Well, maybe once when I got that B in English when I was 16
Anyhow, whenever I get a result that is better than the previous, I am more than happy. Because I had overcome my own inferiority of not being able to do well..or better. Cause to me, everyone has their own ability. So, I figured, why should I be depressed when my results aren't higher than hers or anyone.
When we get too caught up in the notion of what PEOPLE think about us, it consumes us and eats us up alive! *okay. exaggerate much*
Cause the real judge here isn't them. It's Allah. So, why bother? AND what's better is Allah DON'T look at results. What you have is just black on paper, or colours on the online screen. What He sees is what you did along the way.
Did you get too caught up at studying that you didn't pray ON TIME?
Did you believe in those prayers you did or is it just a routine?
Did you do good to others, family and friends and teachers or isolate yourself from them?
Did you do what you do because of Him or someone else?
Because in the end, we all die. What we did in between life and death is what matters. Same analogy.
One more thing, if we REALLY believe that Allah doesn't give bad things to us, we would accept it as it is. Well, maybe be sad a bit in the beginning, that's fine. Here is the point where Allah tests our sense of acceptance. Redha.
It's a powerful action to accept what Allah has planned for us when we are unwilling to go that path.
I've been wanting to learn the keyboard since I was a kid, and I've been saving some to own one. Planned to buy one if my results are okay. Now, I can't own it.
It got me thinking that Allah pushes me away from that dream of playing music because I'm not yet ready. That I'm not yet prioritizing myself of what I really need to do. And, maybe He lets me to go for it when the time is right.
The day before, I was anticipating anxiousness, worries and all. But then, that night, Allah gave me a flashback of the moment when I got my AS-Level results. During that month of exam, I was a wreck. I couldn't study, and the sensation of pray wasn't there anymore. But I kept doing it, for I was devoted to make myself a something in His eyes.
And you know what happened?
I got a great result. Despite the fact that I spent 4 hours reading just one paragraph a day. It was a great gift. Very.
So, why should I be saddened if this isn't my time to shine yet? He already gave me, too much, I can't list it down.
I've had a smooth ride from kindergarten up till high school. Didn't miss a chance to get up on that stage for just about anything.
And now, my journey started bumping, and I want to blame Him? Blame fate?
No. That can't be right.
My journey is not ending. It's just taking a different beginning.
A friend shared this on a group wall,
There's gonna be a time one day, when we are all successful and had a steady job and life, that we look back on what we have then and said,
I failed A-Levels. So, what?
It's not the end of the world, yet. There are still time, and opportunities, for us to go further, spread our wings, and jump higher..to reach our dreams.
Because NOTHING is impossible.
If it favors in His will.
- to those who passed the minimum cut-off points, congratz! and I am VERY proud of you
- to those who didn't, time to prove to people that A-Levels is not everything :)
.don't.give.up.
Comments
nice one !!