Naked.

bismillah.

I sat alone in this strange room, feeling empty. I spent a couple of prayers before trying to cry, but I still couldn't.

My heart is stoned.

So, I stepped outside in the sun, walking alone. I was hesitant at first, because I don't know if I can do it. For a few years now I have been accustomed to wearing larger clothes. But I outgrew most of my clothes, they shrunk. What I had currently on is a green used-to-be over-sized long sleeved tee, with brown pants which I shouldn't wear anymore.

I put on my shoes, no socks, and kept walking.

I was testing myself on a thought I had in mind.

Did I lose my heart?

Five steps out, I almost cried. I looked down, and convinced myself, "I shouldn't go out like this!"

I felt, stripped down.

I felt like I was naked.

But I kept on walking.

The fact that I feel so naked made me so grateful.

I still have my heart.

Alhamdulillah.

I long have left the routine I used to do when I first found my way back to Allah. Try and try, but it comes harder facing it alone.

But I'm managing.

The fact that I was embarrassed on the way I look before, is a sign that I still have a level of imaan.

See, shy and imaan, are very much related.

By increase of faith in Allah, you become more ashamed of doing things that is a no-no in Allah's eyes.

The stronger the faith, the greater for feeling of shy.

Shy and ashamed to keep making sins.

Shy and ashamed to keep turning your head away from Him.

I resent having to feel so naked.

Never again.

But glad to have gone through it.

Allahu.