Musafir Biru

Walking Trying on a straight line Mind set to be sober of all the drunken lies and deceit Hands grasping tight for a moment A short moment to let them believe I was holding to reality But I am slipping away from what seemed the truth Like throwing lassos to the moon hoping it would come down There were vicious demons at war in my head credit A decision to jump off the cliff seemed like right Standing brave like walking planks on the pirate ship A dangerous irony to run away from swords But all the while, diving in to the eye of the storm Mind over muscle I became crippled Unable to walk Unable to move It was a battle to which I lost In the eyes of the survivors, I might be a hero But to a sight deeper than what was seen I remained idle. A dead man walking in the woods credit Searching for a way home To my loyal readers (and new ones), i apologise for keeping you waiting this long for a post. i have numerous drafts, in...

S udah hampir setengah jam aku berdiri di bawah pancuran air di bilik mandi ini. Terasa kosong dan sepi. Sunyi. Jemariku sudah kelihatan seperti seorang pakcik tua, gayanya. Berkedut. Tapi segalanya terasa begitu kering. Aku mendongak membiarkan air membasahi wajahku, seperti aku di bawah limpahan hujan. Setelah beberapa ketika, aku menundukkan kepalaku semula, tangan di dinding, seolah menahannya dari menghempapku. Mindaku berlegar ke perbualan semalam. "Yo, bro. Nak baldi ke buat tadah air liur kau tu?"  Saiful menyapaku saat aku leka memerhati dia. Aliya. Aku mengikat semula rambutku agar tampak lebih kemas, dan menyarung 'beanie' unguku. "Hensem tak aku?" Saiful memuncung. "I don't think so, dude. No," sambil menggeleng kepala. "Whaaaat?" "Serius lah. Perempuan macam tu, mana pandang orang macam kita?" "Apa? Gelandangan?" sambil tersengih besar. "Well, for one, yes. Dahlah. Kau ni, la...

bismillah. Speak good or remain silent. [HR Bukhari & Muslim] I used to talk a lot back in my school years. I mean, A LOT! I was the crazy, old, non-stop talking bird who was known for a wide range of rants. I couldn't stop jibber-jabber-ing. I was the 'twitter'. (pun intended) I don't think I had ever quite shut up except when crying and sleeping. And in history classes (I usually sleep during that time). And my so-called talkativeness got worse when I started yapping about my past to my beloved teacher whom I now call as a friend. So, being able to talk was my, how do you say it.. superpower. Back then, I was the one always wanting to say whatever that my mind wanted me to say. Sometimes rational. Most of the time, not so much. I got banned by some of the guys when I was a senior cause I was, apparently, "too outspoken". Irony. Now I don't even talk. Not to my family. Not to friends. Not anyone. Le bird, h...

bismillah. I know. The title is so like, duh! And it has nothing to do with Jessica Simpson's song. You know what I've been feeling these past couple of weeks? duh, of course not! i'm no mind-reader. why do you think people even READ  your blog? Okay. I know I have a TERRIBLE little-me inside myself. Anyways, I feel like I'm Fat Jane (i don't even know what it means. heck, i don't know if the term exists!) cause I spend most of my time, sitting in front of the computer, finishing documents and stuffs. But an average Joe needs more than 10000 steps a day! I only got, what, like, forty-seven everyday, up and down the stairs? Phew~ and yesterday I finally gathered up the strength and the might that Allah lent me for a while to get up from the bed I've been lying on for more than the average sleeping hours trying to shake the pain off, and alhamdulillah, I DID IT! I got out of bed, out of chair, out of the house! To those willing...

bismillah. I got bored, so I browsed through my facebook notes. And I found one I wrote some time ago. It was the most recent one I wrote, and I was glad I found it now. As I read it, I realised, that..I am feeling the same thing all over again. I'm giving excuses again.  I'm done making it. I'm tired. Tedious. I wanna change. But when it gets too lonely, I find myself lost again. I am slowly starting to find my way back. Hopefully. So, here goes. [ "Read More"? ]

i'm drowning and sinking breathing gets harder as the waves crash my face i'd like to stay afloat and reach the surface but i'm falling down sinking deeper into the seas with no grace

bismillah. I was writing about something else, but came across this video as I was browsing my facebook. And I just HAD to post it. What's important is not his name, but his story. I cried. It's been days, in fact, weeks, since I last cried. It worries me, that all these while I've been pulling strings to memorise the Quran, I was too distracted to see that I have been losing time to REALLY understand the Quran. My memory weakens by the hour, yet I did nothing to try and make the aayahs and verses stick to my heart. Nothing. And this boy, sacrificed his time, to learn the Quran by heart. And what touched me most, is the reason why he did not want Allah to give back his sight. Now, what's MY excuse?

bismillah. Ni sekadar sesi revision untuk exam A2, dan untuk life. Feel free to indulge in my thoughts *err* Photoelectric Emission Eksperimen untuk photoelectric emission ni menggunakan apparatus namanya gold-leaf electroscope. Dalam electroscope ni, ada daun emas [baca: gold-leaf] yang bercas negatif. Disebabkan kedua-dua daun tu negatively-charged, maka ia repel each other. (Nampak tak daun tu macam tertolak sedikit antara satu dengan yang lain?) Jadi sekarang ni, eksperimen ni berjalan untuk membuang cas-cas negatif dalam electroscope ni. To do so, satu sinaran dari cahaya boleh nampak [baca: visible light] dipancarkan ke bahagian atas plate electroscope ni. TAPI, cahaya boleh nampak ni, tak mengeluarkan tenaga yang cukup untuk mengeluarkan cas negatif tu. Sekadar mampu buat cas negatif tu menari-nari sekeliling plate tu je (refer to excited electrons) Bergolek ke sana ke mari, tapi tak mampu untuk keluar dari plate tu. Jadi, kita masih tak capai ...

'Contengan Jalanan' Hlovate dicapai usai Maghrib. Telinga kiri disumbat dengan iPod, membetulkan volume ke tahap rendah. Tangan kiri menyelak halaman novel, ingin menyambung bacaan. Tangan kanan sibuk memegang garpu, nuget ayam panas terhidang atas pinggan. Terbiasa multitasking. Absorbing it all in. Sedang asyik lakukan semua dalam satu, seorang sahabat masuk. Sejak kebelakangan ni, dia selalu panggil aku 'emak'. Entah kenapa. Kuat membebel agaknya. "Emak, dah sembahyang belum? Ish.. malaslah tu nak solat," Dia bergurau manja. Aku faham, dah terbiasa. Sekadar gelak berbasa-basi. Dia baru saja pulang ke rumah. Aku kira tadi dia keluar berbuka puasa. Balik sahaja, dah ke hulu, ke hilir. Aku angkat kepala, menggeleng, dan menyambung bacaan. Tangan kanan masih ligat menyuap nuget ke dalam mulut. Hampir habis. Tiba-tiba dia bersuara lagi, "Mak ni, makan sorang je. Orang sibuk nak solat, mak makan..makan..makan," "Dahnya, anak-anak...

bismillah. whoa!whoa! tajuk kontroversial ke? *gelak* disebabkan saya sekarang belajar di kolej yang agak hampir dengan rumah (berbanding 5, 6 tahun sebelum ni) saya perlu naik baaaanyak public transport untuk pulang ke teratak tercinta. teksi, train, LRT, teksi/bas and blahblahblah.. well, it all hit me one day, when i was taking the KTM going back home. seperti biasa, saya akan menyerang koc wanita. harapkan privacy. tapi hari tu dapat gerabak baru. and you know how the coaches are connected, and there were no doors in between, like the old coaches used to have. masa naik tu, saya dan sahabat saya. sampai di pertengahan jalan, sahabat saya turun, dah sampai destinasi dia. after dia turun, ada seorang lelaki ni masuk koc tu, dan duduk depan saya. he was very.. suspicious. tapi kita tak boleh judge kan? so i kept quiet. sepanjang masa tu saya nampak dia tengok-tengok saya. (ni bukan isu perasan ya. ni isu paranoia!) saya tutup quran, dan saya letak kepala atas ...

bismillah. dah beberapa post dah asyik bermain kata *ehek* hari ni nak cerita sikit tentang Ramadhan lah (sila beri standing O ye) Ramadhan..Ramadhan..Ramadhan.. Setiap tahun kita nantikan, tapi APA sebenarnya yang kita tunggu tu? Tunggu untuk puasa? Tunggu untuk say bye-bye kat Mak Cik Pon? (baca: Pontianak) Tunggu untuk SALE besar menjelang Syawal? APA? Apa? Kita tahu tak makna sebenar puasa? Mungkin ramai akan jawab puasa ni untuk dekatkan kita dengan Allah nak jaga body emm, kita nak rasa penderitaan orang yang kurang bernasib baik kot. kan? entah. hehe. orang Islam puasa, aku pun puasa la sebab aku Islam whoa! em, tak tahulah ade ke tak yang akan jawab macam ni, tapi zaman doluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu memang ada antara yang di atas tu jawapan saya. T.T Kalau kita tengokkan Quran tu, (sila buka ya untuk referens. jangan biar berhabuk je *pffttt* ) cuba bukak page 28. Nampak ayat 23? Heheiii Allah kata 'berpuasa seperti kaum terdahulu' ...

dupp..dapp.. perlahan dan akhirnya terhenti seketika mata berkaca tapi ditahan jua kenapa duka ini terus menduga? bisik jiwa yang sedang dalam perang 'katakan tidak! katakan jangan!' tapi lidah tak mampu kerana ada hati yang mengharap jangan bawa aku ke atas sana aku tak mampu berdiri kaki ini akan membawa aku jatuh jua nanti jangan pujuk aku untuk ke sana aku tak mampu kendiri hati ini sering goyah merangkak jangan biarkan aku di hadapan aku belum kuat berjuang saat hati malas berperang langkah akan kaku termangu pujuk rayu dan dukungan mampukah aku jalaninya lagi? hidup dalam kuku besi tapi masih berdiam diri aku tak mampu bangkit ke atas tapi aku bisa andai kau bersama aku belum mampu untuk ke sana tapi mungkin mapan andai kau ada bersama aku tak bisa berdiri di hadapan tapi mungkin mampu andai kau sudi di belakang aku tak mahukan perjuangan satu kepala aku mahukan perjuangan satu jiwa aku bukan insan tanpa cela penuh duka dan mazmu...

resah goyah seperti selalu melangkah lagi dan jatuh kembali menangis penat menapak pergi mencari yang tak pasti dan aku kembali sendiri dalam jalan kembara penuh duri gelintar mana pergi duhai hati peluh menitik tanpa henti sinar mentari garang tanpa belas dan air mata ini jatuh lagi terduduk aku di tepian mengharap entah siapa punya ehsan agar aku dapat lari dari sepi jalan ini begitu kosong suram dan kelam tanpa cahaya dan aku buntu 'ke mana lagi harus kubawa langkah ini?' langkah longlai dahagakan petunjuk yang dapat bawaku pulang pulang ke kampung yang dirindu terbaring kaku tanpa arah tuju mata terus basah dengan air mata tanpa aku sedar aku kembali berdiri ada aura yang menarik aku dan aku terus berlari payah tapi ku gagahi jua jalan di hadapan dilimpahi cahaya suram tapi mataku kejap pada duri yang menanti aku tak mampu berhenti kerana ayunan ini makin deras memaksa aku lupakan sepi yang dulu ...

bismillah. hari tu saya dan buah hati saya pergi ke XX untuk uruskan satu hal ni *fuyohh busynyee* lepas dah settle, kami bergerak ke klinik haiwan. kenapa? sebab buah hati saya semua dah jadi mak angkat sorang anak kucing kat kolej tu. ya, seorang. sebab semua layan dia macam anak sendiri. nak tau nama dia? namanya.. ZAHRAH ! mana taknye kitorang anggap dia macam manusia? macam anak sendiri? ngehngeh *mak zahrah, kalau saya salah eja nama minta ampun ya? kesian zahrah. dia terpaksa berpuasa sebab stok susu dia dah habis. *sobsob*  sesampainya kat klinik haiwan tu, dua orang buah hati saya, meninggalkan saya dan sorang buah hati saya dalam kereta. kami berbual sebentar. tiba-tiba, buah hati : lahhh saya tak nampak dia punya rokok tu. ingatkan dia baca paper je (sambil menunjuk kat sorang lelaki kat tepi klinik tu) saya          : eh, ha'ah la. pandai dia sorok. buah hati : tulah. saya pun nampak sebab dia buat asap rokok macam 'r...

i used to be a bad kid a very bad one and i'm quite good at it i grew to become a monster and i blame it all on my rough childhood i thought that was what life is about power anger but one day i had enough and i tried to be better when i was bad i had friends with benefits when i became better i had 'just friends' as i got into high school i wanna be better than this i know i can and as i try the more friends i lose until i became alone then it hit me it hit me hard i can't trust anybody no one can make me happy except for myself i used to walk alone eat alone dream alone and all those loneliness became my best friend then it brought me to someone someone who is with me now and then it led me to ALLAH i was on the edge when He found me He saved me from falling He loved me unconditionally and i've been in love ever since Allah i used to blame everything for what went wrong ...

i was looking for you but you weren't there i was reaching for you but you didn't care i was calling for you but you didn't hear i was standing next to you but you didn't stare i was running to you but you were so far i'm tired and weary i don't have much time left it consumes me from inside and i wish you knew the pain i bear to this day i love you then and i love you still but time is running out and should this be the last understand the depth of what i'm feeling because no matter how much you hurt me I STILL LOVE YOU to my dear friend whom im writing this to..

i love the rain it lets me walk right through it without letting other people know that i'm crying along i love the rain the cold that hugs me tight when my heart is burning from anger i love the rain for it leads me walking alone most wont walk with me afraid to be wet i love the rain isolated from everything only one keeping me company is my own conscience i used to think rain are tears from clouds but now that i know Him i know it's His blessings ye saya suka jalan sorang-sorang dalam hujan. kalau malu ada kawan macam saya, pegi main jauh-jauh ye tiba-tiba ada seorang pakcik dalam kereta besar tanya jalan kat saya tadi. saya kebasahan sebab tak expect akan hujan lebat. dan dia dengan baik hatinya offer saya payung dia. sweeeeetnye Allah, bagi pertolongan melalui hambaNya. I LOVE YOU! yang khilaf itu milikku.

bismillah. there are times when my mind wanders around, and every memory i have around my high school *as people usually say it   comes rushing in like waves. pushing and pulling me deeper into the times where i was up, down and almost gave up. i miss school. i miss school. i miss school. * kuala lipis in particular  when i was in high school, i don't own my own laptop, or my own handphone. heck, we can't even bring it even if we do. i used to think it was a bummer. but come to think of it now, i'm glad. soooo glad. because then, i only live with my friends, my books, my teachers. no connection to the outside world whatsoever. and internet was not a priority at the time. whenever i wanna know something, i ask people. i talk to people. when i get lazy to study, i go to the academic block and talk to everyone. i ran all across the block. i scream, shout, as if everything's mine. * lie hehe anyways. everyday, i tend to pray on time, eat on time (or extra time) i ...

bismillah. fuh. baru je menjejakkan kaki ke teratak terchenta setelah 3 bulan lebih tinggalkannya. rindu? adelah sikit *big grin. sampai je kat ruang tamu, nampak khemah besar! okay, khemah sebenar bukan warna biru-kuning ni. kaler merah. khemah untuk budak-budak. dan takde tingkap. -.- #yang kat atas ni gambar google je. bestlah khemah ni. rupanya ni khemah ni milik anak sedara bujang dua orang kat rumah ni. tapi open to anyone who wants to enter. pintu khemah sentiasa terbuka *chewah. saya pun ape lagi. jenguklah ke dalam. maklumlah jakun tak pernah dapat masa kecik dulu -.- memang bestla. boleh tidur dalam tu! tengok anak-anak buah hepi je main sama-sama. makcik yang serba-serbi malas ni pun seronoklaaaa tak payah jaga sangat diorang dah syok main tu :) heheh khemah ni agak kukuh strukturnya. tiang support dia boleh tahanlah. kalau baaaaanyak mainan dalam khemah ni, memang takkan tumbanglah.tapi, bila semua mainan kena bawak keluar, main dengan babi...