Musafir Biru

bismillah. Okay, so the title is bogus. But I needed one. And that came to mind. Back to what's on my mind. I grew up to the notion that I was never good enough for things, because there was always this pair of eyes following my moves. A pair of condescending eyes.. Anyways, it lead me to feel very inferior about the ripples of my actions. Whether or not my decisions would lead me to approval. It led me to be afraid. Very afraid, of rejection. Because I couldn't take it, facing the same vicious cycle over and over again. To disappoint the owner of those eyes for every step I take. But as I grow up, I realized that, I can't keep living in the shadow. I was, and am, privileged enough to be poured with rains of blessings from the One I love. Alhamdulillah. And with everything I had gotten these past two decades, I believe that fearing about how people perceive me is not how He wanted me to be living the short lit candle He provided. S...

bismillah. So I was sitting home one day, and pondered on my life. My whole life. Rethinking everything, and I realised that I spent so much of it sitting in my bubble. And used my I-am-an-introvert lame excuse to get away from my responsibilities. From what I wanna do. It took me a few years of trying and searching to find what I really wanna do in life. I started off wanting to teach, then an engineer, then a doctor. I was so immersed in society's view, that I lost prospect from my goals. Alhamdulillah, I was lucky enough to be given opportunities to try out things. Spent a few years in science school, a couple more in college, trying everything to find my own goals, without anyone else shaping it. And alhamdulillah, I got the chance to have a year gap before enrolling in my degree courses. I found exactly what I want to do during that time. I want to be myself. Even if it meant being different. So, I took a challenge. And my dad was cool enough to lend me...

bismillah. I sat alone in this strange room, feeling empty. I spent a couple of prayers before trying to cry, but I still couldn't. My heart is stoned. So, I stepped outside in the sun, walking alone. I was hesitant at first, because I don't know if I can do it. For a few years now I have been accustomed to wearing larger clothes. But I outgrew most of my clothes, they shrunk. What I had currently on is a green used-to-be over-sized long sleeved tee, with brown pants which I shouldn't wear anymore. I put on my shoes, no socks, and kept walking. I was testing myself on a thought I had in mind. Did I lose my heart? Five steps out, I almost cried. I looked down, and convinced myself, "I shouldn't go out like this!" I felt, stripped down. I felt like I was naked. But I kept on walking. The fact that I feel so naked made me so grateful. I still have my heart. Alhamdulillah. I long have left t...

bismillah. Haritu berkesempatan join usrah skype untuk akhawat metropolitan KL/Selangor. Alhamdulillah. Ada sorang akhawat ni share pasal manusia A B C D. Anda nak kenal? Nakkkk Anda nak tahu? Nakkkkk Betul ni? Boleh tak bagitau je? *insert eye roll here* (okay, ini perbualan imaginasi sahaja)  DRUMROLL. Manusia A Manusia A adalah manusia awam. Ini merangkumi semua manusia secara umum. Kira, semua oranglah. Tanpa kira status agama, bangsa, single, married.. eh? Manusia B Manusia B adalah manusia biasa. Di mana dia seorang muslim yang ibadahnya biasa-biasa sahaja (that includes me -______-' ) Beda manusia B dan A ialah Islam. Manusia C Manusia C adalah manusia committed (komited). Mereka ini adalah yang ibadah siang malamnya mantap. Tak tinggal, tak lewat, tak malas. Manusia D Manusia D adalah manusia da'i. Orang-orang ini bukan sahaja menjaga tugasnya sebagai seorang hamba, tapi turut mengajak manusia lain untuk turut jadi hamba s...

S udah hampir setengah jam aku berdiri di bawah pancuran air di bilik mandi ini. Terasa kosong dan sepi. Sunyi. Jemariku sudah kelihatan seperti seorang pakcik tua, gayanya. Berkedut. Tapi segalanya terasa begitu kering. Aku mendongak membiarkan air membasahi wajahku, seperti aku di bawah limpahan hujan. Setelah beberapa ketika, aku menundukkan kepalaku semula, tangan di dinding, seolah menahannya dari menghempapku. Mindaku berlegar ke perbualan semalam. "Yo, bro. Nak baldi ke buat tadah air liur kau tu?"  Saiful menyapaku saat aku leka memerhati dia. Aliya. Aku mengikat semula rambutku agar tampak lebih kemas, dan menyarung 'beanie' unguku. "Hensem tak aku?" Saiful memuncung. "I don't think so, dude. No," sambil menggeleng kepala. "Whaaaat?" "Serius lah. Perempuan macam tu, mana pandang orang macam kita?" "Apa? Gelandangan?" sambil tersengih besar. "Well, for one, yes. Dahlah. Kau ni, la...

bismillah. It has been some time that I haven't been able to really open up and express my feelings. There were always factors that I needed to evaluate before doing so. Factors which, in the end, prevented me from even saying what's in my head. I know, Muslims should be strong. And that we can't give up on the tests Allah laid out in our path. And that no matter how hard our journey is, there are always others who endured a far worse day. I know that. Seeing how my brothers and sisters struggling for freedom each day, not even sure if tomorrow there will be a roof atop their heads, or they will see tomorrow's sunrise, or if they will be food on the table, or if the head count in the next five minutes will be the same as before. Everything is unsure, yet they are happy to fight for their rights. Subhanallah! Not even a whine from anyone . Be yet kids, or old ones. None. #FreeSyria #FreePalestine hand-sown flags at my house. yeay! How people wh...

bismillah. Esok Malaysia hadapi hari penentu. Penentu masa depan rakyat, penentu masa depan negara, penentu masa depan bangsa. Tapi, aku yang baru setahun jagung, berdarah muda ini, aku lihat esok adalah hari penentu masa depan PARTI. Minta maaf. Aku telah terbiasa tak berfikir tanpa berkata-kata. Tapi kali ini aku dah fikir semasaknya. Sebelum aku memperjudikan masa depan aku yang entah bagaimana rupanya, aku mahu suarakan. Apa pun yang berlaku esok, aku redha. Izinkan aku. Jika tak mahu baca, berhentilah. Tidak terasa hati. InshaAllah. Sebelum apa-apa, aku mahu ambil sepotong ayat dari sebuah rancangan televisyen yang aku tonton baru-baru ini. be a supporter by choice, rather than by obligation Lebih kurang. Entahlah kenapa. Aku belum layak mengundi. Tapi setahu aku, hak bersuara aku masih milik aku. (wah, pandai guna "aku" sekarang ya) Aku mahu matang. Aku mahu membesar jadi orang yang tahu berfikir. Guna akal. Tak kira siapapun kerajaa...